Shame: A Dangerous Emotion

“You are so short, can I call you shorty!” HAHAHA
“I can just use you my armrest, you are so short!” HAHAHA
“You are so small, you could probably shop in GAP Kids!” HAHAHA

Shame is a strong can be an overpowering emotion. Almost everyone has felt that at some point in their lives that makes them feel horrible. Shame is a feeling of being inadequate. It is an internal experience that makes as say to ourselves, “I’m unworthy of fitting in!” When shame becomes toxic, it can ruin one’s life. It can sometimes even be extremely painful by effecting the nervous system causing a flight or fight reaction. We all have trigger points that can produce feelings of shame like. These experiences can include:

  • Shyness which is shame in the presence of a stranger
  • Discouragement is shame about a temporary defeat
  • Embarrassment is shame in front of others/audience
  • Self-consciousness is shame about performance in front of other people
  • Inferiority is the all-encompassing shame about the sense of oneself

There are factors that contribute to shame. These are:

  • Self Awareness: You are aware of other peoples judgement of you. We are always concerned about fitting in, doing what is socially acceptable and most often to be liked by others.
  • Self Blame: Bad things are going to happen. When we blame ourselves for those bad things due to a perceived inadequacy like being obese or not achieving an ideal weight we feel shame.
  • Standards: We all have standards that we need to maintain. Standards like being professional when you got to work everyday if you have an office job, or going to work on time and keeping to commitments that you have made.
  • Self Esteem: Frequent mishaps tend to have a negative long term on our psyche. If you do not have resilience and a fighting spirit to come back stronger, minor mishaps will have chop away at your self esteem.

How to overcome shame:

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I am a certified NLP Transformation and Personal Development Coach. I work with clients that need assistance in transforming their lives and reaching their peak performance in life.

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